awkward etiquette question

[oulfis]

okay, so, if I write someone a letter, and I'd kind of like them to write back -- is it totally gauche to include a self-addressed and stamped envelope?? Maybe with a card or sheet of stationery paper in it??

I think it might be nice to include such a thing because I'm sure most people don't already have envelopes/stationery/stamps etc on hand, and it might make writing back more fun (and more possible) if all they have to do is literally write a message and then send it.

But it also seems possibly rude because it's a lot more demanding?? Usually I send letters/cards not really expecting a reply at all, or at least not a reply in letter form (I understand that letters are very anachronistic, so most people reply to a letter by... texting me.) A self-addressed and stamped envelope seems like I'm burdening my friend with the expectation of a reply, and if they don't write back soonish, what if it sits on their desk mocking them for months?? I would be totally fine not hearing back, or hearing back months and months later, so I don't want to make it seem otherwise.

Basically -- would such a thing reduce stress, or add stress??

Comments

[pangodillo]

with no explanation I could see myself going either way on that; but it seems to me that you could give an explanation in the body of the letter, and like--I at least trust you enough that if you wrote "no but really it's chill tho", I'd believe you. because letters are anachronistic, it seems unlikely to me that there could be a general etiquette on the subject, so probably it depends on the person in question and their personal etiquette. you could also, if it wouldn't spoil the surprise too much, ask them beforehand how they'd feel about it--but, ahaha, that's a very "me" answer.

[oulfis]

Yeah, I think the personal aspect is really what's tripping me up here -- some of my friends would be into it and some of my friends would haaate it, and the whole reason I'm in this pickle is because this specific person is someone I miss and can't quite figure out how to stay in touch with, so I don't know which they are!

Also, this may amuse you -- I tried to imagine if you were my recipient, to mentally test out the likely reception of the envelope. "Ve could probably go either way," I thought to myself. "But I'm sure I could write about why I included the envelope in such a way that ve would understand that it really is okay for ver never to write back, so then it would be all right." So I actually determined that I wouldn't ask you, specifically, in advance, because I was sufficiently confident I could predict your response :p

[pangodillo]

ahahahaha yes it did amuse me, it amused me so much that my roommate called up from downstairs, "is that something I'd have sufficient context to appreciate?"

"no, it's just that one of my friends knows me really really well."

💜💜💜